Get a Job, I Want a New Penis

Bulgarian man wants a new penis

Zaprian Lozanov. Image source:

A 61-year-old Bulgarian man named Zaprian Lozanov had his penis chopped off by his best friend, Lyubomir Todorov (43) while he was drunk and demonstrating his mad martial art skills.

The now member-less man is petitioning to get his drinking- ninja, best bud released from jail. Why(?) you may ask. No, not to hit the local titty bars once again but to make him get a job and buy him a shiny new penis!

The Bert and Ernie like duo were chilling out and drinking alcohol at Mr. Lozanov’s pad when Mr. Todorov decided it would be a great idea to take a real life samurai sword off the wall and show everyone how awesome he was as he sliced up the air around him.

Mr. Lozanov, being the responsible adult that he is, tried to disarm the Bruce Lee wannabe:  ‘I went to try and take it off him before he caused an accident – and then he slashed it in front of me. I thought he’d missed but then I felt a burning pain and collapsed. He’d sliced the sword through my trousers and lopped off my penis.’  OUCH!

This sad story has a kind of a happy ending, I guess. Mr. Lozanov is petitioning to get the dick-chopper out of prison. Mr. Todorov was given a 6 year prison sentence for the incident and it seems his friend believes his time would be better spent earning the cash to replace his loss. OUCH!

‘People tell me I was noble to get him released but I want him to get a job so he can pay the compensation I am due,’ said Mr. Lozanov.

‘There is nothing I can do to change what has happened – it’s in the past. I just hope now that, by helping him, it will help me.’